E-vangie Tales #28 Eternal Returns


Kylee waited on me as I returned two heaters and a pair of jeans to Costco last week.

“Why the returns?” she asked.

I answered, “The heaters are a fire hazard, can you believe it? You can’t leave them in the kid’s room unattended and they can’t be around anything closer than three feet.”

She processed paperwork without comment. “Costco card?”

I continue trying to break the ice. “And I’m returning the jeans because they are a fire hazard too. If I walk through a fire, they flare up!” (Like those reading this, she didn’t even crack a smile. Can you guess my transition line? That’s right…) “So Kylee, if you were to die today, would you go to Heaven or the place of fire?”

“I don’t know.”

“Here’s a Gospel of John. You’ll read that Jesus died for your sins. Do you believe that?”

“Ummmm, hmmmmmm,” she says with great disinterest, as she stamps something, signs something else, then files away the something she stamped and signed.

Still attempting to get some type of response, I clear my throat and go for it again, “The Bible says you must be “born-again”. (Pause) “Uh, that if you…ahem…repent from your sins… you will…” I interrupt myself. “Do you believe this?”

“Yes. I went to private school for ten years.”

Encouraged and with renewed vigor I say, “Oh! Well, you’ll really like this new translation. You’ll be pleasantly surprised when you read it.”

With a no-nonsense finality Kylee says, “Your credit is $100.64.”

End of conversation.



It was Halloween week-end and I was back at Cosco, when my two girls spotted Renee, the grandmotherly sample lady who has no grandchildren of her own.

They shouted, “Renee!”

She asked them, “How come you’re not dressed up for Halloween?”

“We don’t celebrate Halloween, we celebrate the harvest!” D.D. answered.

“Also,” I said, “That is Reformation Day, the day when Martin Luther protested the Catholic Church by posting his 95 theses on the Wittenburg door.”

“Ohhhhhhhhh,” Renee replied politely.

“Can I give you a Gospel of John, Renee?”

“Oh noooo,” she protested. “I don’t put anything like that in my house. I’m Jewish.”

“You know that Jesus is your Messiah?”

“He’s not my Messiah!”

“And he died for your sins…”

“He didn’t die for my sins, I don’t sin. I’m one of the Chosen people.”

“Yes, if you believe in Him. God bless you.”

“God bless you,” Renee replied.

End of conversation.

Q: What would you have said to Renee? Let me know at

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.