Dodger Stadium, Opening Day, 2007— This story was supposed to be written a year ago, but time got away from me. Besides, every baseball game looks the same whether it was played yesterday, today, or forever. And most games feel like forever, anyway… and if the truth be told, baseball is darn boring no matter how big a fan you are of The Great National Pastime. So to make things a little more interesting, I packed a peck of papers, Gospel tracts that is, and tried to alleviate the boredom of a three hour game. Here are a few tips for you to try next time you are held hostage at a long, long, sporting event..

Always, always work your way around the parking lot ahead of game time to give all the tail-gaters a chance to read about the eternal destiny of the drunkard.
Don’t rush this effort; time is not of the essence at the ole ball game; one inning looks the same as the other… except on Opening Day!

On the first Day of Major League Baseball, you get a flyby from the Air Force along with a parachutist landing on the field (at least in L.A.). This was the highlight of the afternoon, besides the Dodger Dog.

OOOOOO, loooook! It’s Tommy Lasorda, a true stand-out in his gray suit among paunchy, middle-aged white men! Besides the parachutist and the Dodger Dog, this was another highlight!

The game started. I have no photos because after the parachutist, Dodger Dog, and Tommy, everything else was anti-climactic. Besides, all the action was in the stands!
Never, never, attempt to hand out Gospel tracts to fans at a football, hockey or basketball game while the contest is on; you’ll get beaten about the neck and shoulders most severely. But it’s perfectly all right to hand out Gospel tracts in the stands of a baseball game. After the parachutist, Dodger Dog and Tommy, everyone just sits around waiting for the beer guy to come by, or the peanuts and crackerjack vendor or anybody with a funny hat, or song—to get past the boredom of whatever is not happening on the field!

Sing everybody! I don’t care if I ever get back!!! So let’s root, root, root for the hooooome teeeeeam… Oh, never mind.

Time for the 7th inning stretch! Ahh, forgetaboutit…

And it’s one.. two.. three… strikes your out at the ole baaaaalllll gaaaaame!

Who won? Who knows? There were still 5,891 more games to go.

 After pitching a multitude of Gospel strikes, the message was out.

Still, some didn’t quite get the point entirely…