Evangelical Groaner: Paddy the Painter

There was a Dublin painter named Paddy the Painter who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the parish priest decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of the Church.

Paddy put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine….

Well, Paddy was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Paddy clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Paddy was no fool.  He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees and cried:

“Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke:

Sudden Death: Fireworks

Consumer Protection Safety Commission staff has reports of two fireworks-related deaths during 2009. Both fatalities involved aerial shells. In the first incident, a 41 year-old male was killed in an explosion of a professional display mortar shell that he lit in his backyard. In the second incident, a 26 year-old male lit a consumer grade mortar shell that was in a launching tube that he held over his head. The shell discharged from the bottom of the tube resulting in a skull fracture. From 2009 Fireworks Annual Report

CPSC staff has reports of 7 fireworks-related deaths during 2008.