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You might be an atheist fundamentalist if…

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Atheists love to level the “Fundamentalist” label derisively at those who take God at His Word in the Bible. BUT, did you know that atheists themselves subscribe to a fundamentalist philosophy of their own? Here are the first five fundamental truths that atheists believe and live… the next five will be next Wednesday! 
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YOU MIGHT BE A FUNDY ATHEIST IF…

1. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday school. Your ideas about God haven’t changed since.

2. You think that the primary aim of an Omni-benevolent God is for people to have FUN.

3. You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an Omni benevolent God wouldn’t want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.

4. Although you’ve memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn’t exist, you still think you’re God’s gift to the ignorant masses.

5. You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist. (Read the next 5 here.)

9 Comments

  1. That is hillarious!! did I spell that right??

  2. Hey Steve,
    I just made a shirt based on this. I thought it was so funny!!! (I noted your site, on my site, and on the shirt.)
    God bless,
    Banana

  3. Actually, I base my disbeliefs about ‘god’ on all of the information (from theistic and atheistic sources) I encounter on a daily basis. The bible, comments from Christians, and my own logic have persisted in dissuading me in believing in your god, or any other. So no, the “ten-year-old’s logic” doesn’t apply, nor does any of these other points. Nice try. ;D

  4. Number one applies to me.

    “You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday school. . . .”

    My Sunday school claimed to teach the eternal absolute perfect truth about God as directly revealed in the King James Version of the Bible, the only correct version that has ever existed. They also taught that if I didn’t believe every word of the Sunday school lesson, I would roast in hell forever, my molten skin dripping away from my bones.

    This church further explained that to have the least doubt about anything the pastor said was equivalent to (1) a complete rejection of God, (2) an utter rebellion against all forms of righteousness, and (3) a loving embrace of Satan, whose realm offered me nothing but an ever-increasing level of torture as fuel for the flames that would sear the next batch of sinners tumbling into the bottomless pit.

    “. . . Your ideas about God haven’t changed since.”

    Since this church was delivering nothing but the unalterable facts from the unassailable Bible about the unchanging God, no error was possible, so my ideas had better not change. Otherwise I would be straying into heretical fallacy, sure to face Divine wrath at the Great White Throne judgement, after which Our Heavenly Father would dispatch me to choke and gag on the sulfuric fumes of the Devil’s playground. (Watch out for those pitchforks!)

    Explain to my why Christianity has to use that kind of threat to get small children to believe, and I’ll quit being an atheist.

  5. That doesn’t apply to ANY atheists, actually.

    Most of those “truths” are probably taken from those ten-year-olds you mentioned.

    I have nothing against the concept of God. It is very possible (of course, in a much different way then the one portrayed in the books). Only against religion. Religion has one bottomline that makes it’s arguments fail to convince, at the end of every debate: “…It is so because it’s written.”

  6. Athiest that post here can’t take a joke

  7. Oh the wit!

    You’ve converted me, all praise… wait which god is this?

  8. There are two basic types of humor; 1) humor that is based on real life and touches on truth(s) to make it funny, and 2) humor that is so far removed from real life that it is absurd to make it funny. This list (and the subsequent lists), obviously, falls into type #2. What makes the list funny is how far fetched and not based on any truth(s) it is.

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