The LA Times called asking me if I was satisfied with the service I was receiving and if I’d like to take advantage of the special deal they were offering. I politely said, “No,” and then asked the saleslady a question: “Do you ever think about what happens when you die?”
“Oh, yes. I’m going to come back as a poodle named Fifi.”
“Really?” I said feigning surprise. “If you don’t come back as a poodle named Fifi, where do you think you’d go, Heaven or Hell?”
“I’m Jewish and I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell.”
“Do you think that you’ve kept the 10 Commandments?”
“I try to live a good life, but I don’t think that I”ve kept them all…”
“Maybe when I was a young girl…”
“What would that make you?”
“Someone who’s had a very unhappy childhood,” she replied sarcastically.
“Have you ever lied?”
“Where is this going anyway?”
Figuring that I wouldn’t get very far before the expectant CLICK! came, I got straight to the point. “If you’ve ever lied, stolen, or misused God’s name, then he will see you as a lying, thieving, blasphemer, and on Judgment Day you will be found guilty and end up in Hell…”
“What religion are you?” she interrupted.
“I’m a Christian,” I stated perkily.
“Well, we don’t believe the same things and I’m not supposed to talk about religion here at the L.A. Times.”
“That’s okay,” I reassured her. “All you have to do is listen.”
(If you’d like to know the proper technique for evangelizing telemarketers, click here to read an old E-vangie Tale: “Telemaketer Payback Time”)