An assistant to one of the top atheist “scholars” in the world who works at Oxford smuggled out this bit of classified information and tried to sell it to WikiLeaks, but, of course, they’re out of business. Instead he sent this to me with one condition: that I send him a Bible with Ray Comfort’s autograph. Apparently, these resolutions go out in the annual Christmas edition of the newsletter, World Atheists United.
After reading these resolutions I now understand why nearly all the atheists I have encountered have similar ideas. (Are those sheep I hear in the background?)
AS A DEVOUT ATHEIST,
FOR THE YEAR 2012,
I RESOLVE TO…
10. Discover new and exciting ways to tell people that it’s wrong to tell people that they’re wrong about things.
9. Affirm absolutely that there are no such thing as absolutes!
8. Design intelligent arguments that prove Intelligent Design doesn’t exist.
7. Stick my head in a microwave until I can develop a “beneficial mutation” and prove those Christians wrong, once and for all!
6. Be offended by the very idea of a God who judges His Creation; yet I will enthusiastically support and encourage the American government in their practice of punishing criminals and people who have done me wrong.
5. Assert that the Bible was written by man and, therefore, cannot be taken seriously. However, I will blindly trust every single thing EVER written and/or said by Richard Dawkins, Thunderfoot, Eugenie Scott, the Amazing Atheist, or any other yahoo out there who hates Christianity as much as I do.
4. Allow my willing ignorance and suppression of the truth to anger Christians to the point that they become unfruitful and waste their time trying to prove to me intellectually that God exists. And if they do prove it, then my faith will stand in the Wisdom of men and not in the” power of God.” (win/win)
3. Take hypocritical offense at perceived wrongs while denying the existence of moral standards.
2. Make sure not to read the Bible again this year for fear that it may actually begin to make some sort of sense.
And my #1 resolution for the year 2012 is…
1. I will finally fix the chair at my computer in Mom’s basement!
(Thanks to Anna Jackson who sent me these resolutions via Facebook.)