Atheist/Evolutionist Holiday Cards

If I had no hope of an afterlife, and if I thought I was here by sheer chance (or something like that), and if there was no real purpose in life, I’d send one of these!

If I thought that I was put here on a pale blue planet for no other reason than to make a debilitating carbon footprint and to eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow I die, then I would send one of these.

And if I didn’t believe in God, was not culpable to a Being greater than I, had no fear of recompense for my moral failures—and sin…. If I was able to ignore my conscience and all those crazies warning me to repent because my time was short—then I  would send one of these cards to my temporal acquaintances who are simply living meaningless, purposeless lives.

Merry Christmas to all my unbelieving friends (who have no real reason to celebrate this season). C’mon, “Reasons Greetings” doesn’t really cut it now, does it? Does it?

(Want to read what’s inside the snowman card?)

Oooops! How did that get in there?

(Cards are from “Order of St. Nick’s Funny Greeting Cards.”)

14 Responses to “Atheist/Evolutionist Holiday Cards”

  1. Nohm says:

    [Facepalm]

    Sigh

    Again, Steve, you’re trying to tell us what we think and you’re getting it significantly wrong. I don’t think you made a single claim up there, about people like myself, that I agree with, with the exception of the following quotes (and only these specific words):

    1. “If I had no hope of an afterlife
    2. “And if I didn’t believe in God
    3. “a Being
    4. “and sin
    5. “and all those crazies warning me to repent because my time was short

    Aaaand, that’s it. Every single other word you used above is something that I disagree with, and in no way applies to the actual opinions that I have.

    Steve, doesn’t there come a point where you have to say to yourself, “Ya know, Steve, nearly every time I say that atheists think a certain thing, or have a specific belief, I’m wrong. Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t do that any more.”

    Right?

  2. BathTub says:

    Yeah without being able to refer to all those bible verses to tell us how to decorate our trees, and exchange gifts with our loved ones, or feast and party with them, what ever would we do on this solstice celebration?

    It’s harder to decide which bible verses I miss the most.
    The bible verse about putting up mistletoe.

    The bible verse about anthropamorphic snowmen.

    Or maybe it’s the verses about the jolly fat guy who flys around the world on a sleigh pulled by reindeer giving gifts to good girls and boys.

    Yeah that’s probably it.

  3. BathTub says:

    Next you’ll be saying how I can’t play with eggs and eat chocolate rabbits at Eostre!

  4. Nohm: I qualified my statements. This is what I said: “If I had no hope…” “I,” that is “me.” Not you or anyone else. “I.”

    It’s okay if I write “If I thought…” isn’t it?

    Hope I cleared that up! ;.)

    I yi yi!!!

  5. Nohm says:

    Steve, you make a good point that you qualified *most* of your statements, and so I have to retract *most* of my complaints.

    Except for this quote from you, which was not qualified:

    Merry Christmas to all my unbelieving friends (who have no real reason to celebrate this season). C’mon, “Reasons Greetings” doesn’t really cut it now, does it? Does it?

    (Emphasis added)

    I have family members who celebrate Christmas, both the religious version (for some) and the secular version (for others). So, that’s reason enough for me.

    But, all things considered, I don’t think it was unreasonable for me to think that you were implying that atheists think the above issues. But, as you said, you did qualify them with “If I…”, so if you were just talking about yourself, then you’re covered for all but the final sentence.

  6. BathTub says:

    I highly recommend you watch this weeks episode of The Atheist Experience as the topic was ‘The Reason for the Season’ and of course Christmas is discussed.

    http://blip.tv/file/3001178/

    And Blaghag has a cool ‘Evolution of Christmas’ design too. I’ll be picking up some of these for next year.

    http://www.zazzle.com/evolution_of_christmas_card-137941267832226570

  7. Nohm, you have no REAL reason to celebrate this season (CHRISTmas). You can call it something else, but there’s no real reason for the season.

  8. Nohm says:

    Nohm, you have no REAL reason to celebrate this season (CHRISTmas).

    Hi Steve,

    1. Please again do not tell me what I think or how real my reasons for anything are, as I have not treated you in this manner.
    2. Is “spending time with people I don’t get to see often” not a real reason to celebrate this season (WINTER time).
    3. Whatever the roots of Christmas (and I assume that you agree that many of the things now associated with it have pagan origins), I hope you’re not trying to argue that it hasn’t morphed into a secular holiday.

    So, for nothing else, “celebrating by spending time with people I love during a holiday that is important to them” is a real enough reason to me.

    You can call it something else

    I don’t. Christmas is fine. I’d rather not get into semantics.

    but there’s no real reason for the season.

    I hope by that you really mean:

    “but there’s no real reason for the season if I, Steve, was a non-believer.”

    Right?

    How’s this for another reason? –> I get to spend time in a warmer climate in winter.

    Sounds like a good reason to me.

  9. Wayne Dawg says:

    Merry Christmas Steve!!

  10. Nohm, the best reasons you gave: “celebrating by spending time with people I love during a holiday that is important to them” & “I get to spend time in a warmer climate in winter.”

    Okay then!

    Merry Christmas! I’m enjoying our conversations!

    And to you, too, Bathtubz!

  11. Nohm says:

    Merry Christmas to you, Steve.

  12. Nohm says:

    Oh, btw, how close was I with the list I presented in this comment?

  13. Nohm, my answer is up.

  14. [...] to Steve Sanchez for pointing me to this atheist snowman greeting [...]

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